Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
