Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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