Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
