Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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