i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
accomplished twins. life is a go
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
