i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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