She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
