And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
