You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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