So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
