I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
