so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Randomize
