i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
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All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
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Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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