I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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