I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
