Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
