At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
