The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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