so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
