Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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