So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
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You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
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What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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