i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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