I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
