we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
