You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
