her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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