You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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