we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
