I think im going to throw up on grandma
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
