Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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