Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
