ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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