in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
