Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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