Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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