Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize