she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
