Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
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He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
my poor anus
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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