I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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