I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
