he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize