she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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