THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
