Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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