you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
