I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
