Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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