Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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