Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
