I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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