I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
false alarm. still invincible.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Randomize
