I cannot find my penis.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just high enough for therapy.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
