i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
