i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
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