How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
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