i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
