A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
