I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'm both gender and math confused
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
