i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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