NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
