sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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