I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
