Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
