Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
In America we eat man semen.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
