Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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