ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
