She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
