we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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