Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
