this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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