Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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