I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
