There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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