i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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