Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
